i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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