Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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