im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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