She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
