1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
