dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
