found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
