I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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