Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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