Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
