i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
