i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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