Me. At least after what I've been through.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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