I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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