butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Welp...herpes.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
