he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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