its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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