I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
