im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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