he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
