My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
