porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I met the friendliest cop last night
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
