You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
