My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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