I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
