i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
