Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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