My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
