just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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