he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
