I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
