My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
