Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
did i walk over a car last night?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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