Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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