my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
