ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
