Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
