so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
