So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
