Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
