You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
