When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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