If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
