Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
