Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
