When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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