8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
