Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
