Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
