Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
