Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The uberlube is also flammable
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
