Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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