This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
