Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
