then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
