This is not my ceiling
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
