Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
