He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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