the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
