Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
